I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
