y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
