Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
