is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
