you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
