Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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