who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
