i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
