I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
