Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
