never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
