I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
