i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
