I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
