My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
