I want to have your abortion
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
