ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My cat gives me a boner
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
