would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
