It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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