why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
