I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize