i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
