Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
