Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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