I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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