I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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