At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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