I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
