I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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