I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
