Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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