Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
