a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
