I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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