no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
