Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
