So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
