Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
