Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
