I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
