you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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