why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
