Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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