And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
