if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
