i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
