Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
