Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
