That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
