WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
