Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
