I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
