i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize