Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
