well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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