also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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