We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
