I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
