haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
