He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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