dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
