The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
