dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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