bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize