Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
