I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
