I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
