please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
