Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
