i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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