She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
