i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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