So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
