I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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