if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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