There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am midnight drunk by noon
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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