And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
