It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
not ubering you a puppy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
