i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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